Rub My Tummy Edward
by 99x9RedRoses
Summary: a Bunch of one shots, T for safty.
1. Rub my tummy Edward

**Rub my Tummy Edward:**

Bell and Edward sat on her couch, actually Edward sat in the couch and Bella lay on the couch with her legs across Edwards lap. They were watching a movie a movie and Bella moaned when blood pored from a cut in a characters arm. She just couldn't stand the sight of blood even in a movie, her stomach began to hurt very badly.

"what's wrong Bella ?" Edward asked with concern.

Bella patted her stomach, "rub my tummy Edward." he chuckled and did as she asked.

A/N

yeah kinda short but they all will be so I'll try to update alot, still I won't update unless I get three reviews but don't let that stop you if there's already three.


	2. Bella the Blond

Disclaimer: forgot to put one for the first story so for both, I do not own twilight.

**Bella the Blond. **

"Bella what did she do to you?" Edward asked shocked. Alice had given her a makeover and had put blond highlight into her hair.

"You don't like them?" she asked, _she_ actually sort of liked the highlights.

"No, it's not that, it's just, well Jessica got highlights in her hair and she's been acting air headed ever since."

"Doesn't she always acted like that?"

"Well yes, but more than usual, you don't hear her thoughts."

"Well true but I won't be like her."

"Promise?" Edward asked

"Yeah sure" Bella replied. Edward gave her a gentle hug.

_**Later that day**_

Bella was mad at Edward for thinking some blond highlights would change the way she acted so she decided to play a trick on him. They were sitting on her bed when she got up and went to the kitchen.

"I'm going to get a drink," she said, "humans have to drink too." she was half way down the stairs but she knew he could hear her. She opened the fridge and stared at the orange juice.

When she didn't come back for awhile Edward went down stairs to check on her. He saw her staring into the fridge.

"Bella what are you doing?" He asked.

"The orange juice is telling me to concentrate." she replied.

"What?"

"I'm kidding." she said closing the fridge, and to her relief he laughed.

A/n Ok so longer than the last one, I don't know if Jessica already had blond hair but you get the picture. Any one recognize the joke? Not a very good one but I think its funny. Same thing, at least three more reviews then I will update. Thanks to everyone who has already reviewed.


	3. Emmett and his Girls

Disclaimer; I don't own twilight.

A/n; this is actually based on a true story I'm just using twilight characters to tell it.

**Emmett and his Girls**

Edward and Bella had just gotten out of there movie and were in the lobby when Emmett came in. he was not alone, Rose was on his left, Alice was next to her and Esme on his right.

Edward laughed softly.

"What is it?" Bella asked, "Just wait," Edward replied. About a second later one of the boys who had been hanging around the lobby waiting for rides shouted, "Check it out that guys got three chicks."

Bella, Edward, Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Esme all started laughing. "Nice, Emmett," Edward said, "nice."

A/n; yeah I know short, but there's really not much to tell, that actually happened to me and my brother and you get the picture so I thought it would be funny if it happened to Emmett. I seem to be getting reviews in fours so I want four this time, thanks to all who reviewed.


	4. Carlisle knows Best

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight and I didn't make up the jokes these stories are based on

**Carlisle Knows best.**

Emmett was sitting in Carlisle's Office when he came in. They then had an interesting conversation.

"Carlisle?" Emmett asked.

"Yes Emmett," he replied.

"Why did Rose become so pretty when you changed her?"

"because I knew you would come some day so I made sure you would like her."

"Then Why is she so beautiful then?"

"So you would love her." Emmett thought for a minute after that then asked, "Why is she so pigheaded?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Carlisle asked, "so she would love you." Emmett wasn't sure if he had been complimented or insulted.

A/n; Well what do you think? Was Emmett complimented or was he insulted. Also does anybody recognize this joke? If you liked the stories so far then I be you can't wait for the next one called 'Esme and the clogged sink' I'd like five reviews please, to everyone who reviewed, thanks, I'll keep updating as long as you review or until I run out of ideas.


	5. Esme and the Clogged Sink

I Don't Own Twilight.

Esme and the clogged sink.

"Mom the sink's clogged, can you fix it? " Reported Emmett. I knew it was bad because he only askedme to fix something when it was absolutely in he way. So I wiped my hands on a towel, I had been working in my garden, and followed him to the kitchen.

The sink was indeed clogged, dirty dish water was sitting in it and so slowly that only a vampire could see, it was draining. Wait, why was Emmett doing the dishes? We don't even use them, well maybe Bella ate over and I didn't know.

Cautiously I put my hand into the sink to see if something was stuck in it. I felt something near in the drain, a stone perhaps? I tried to pull it out and screamed. The stone I felt was actually a hand and it was pulling me back with it!

Then I saw Emmett was laughing, so it was one of his jokes.

"Ok you can stop." he said between laughter, the hand let go and Jasper's head popped out from under the sink.

"Happy mothers day mom." he said grinning.

A/n A late Mother's Day story, I didn't have time to put it up on Mother's Day so I just got to it. Ok thanks to all who reviewed it will be a while before I update because I'm running out of jokes but don't worry I'll think of something and probably use Alice because I haven't written about her. Oh and I don't know if Esme has a garden but she does now.


	6. Bella Loves Penguins

Disclaimer; I don't own Twilight or Sea World or any of the Penguin movies that have come out, I don't even own a real live penguin. (some day)

Bella loves Penguins

Edward and Bella finally went to Florida, and of course her mom was thrilled, but she was not that thrilled to see Edward. Since it was always sunny in Florida he always had to stay inside and endure all the mean looks from Renee.

Secretly he was glad when Bella and her mom went out shopping and he made the excuse that the needed some girl time but he wanted some Bella time too. So when Alice called one day and told him it would rain the whole day next day he knew exactly what to do.

"Bella," he said, "I want to take you to Sea World."

"why?"

"Because its fun there and I think you should get to see one of Florida's theme parks and don't you like the sea?" The real reason was that it was three hours away from Renee."(A/n, I don't know exactly have far sea world is from Jacksonville but I'm guessing it's about three or four hours.)

"yeah ok," so the next day they went to Sea World. It rained all day as Alice predicted so they didn't get to do much and finally it was time to go but as they were leaving Bella decided there was one more thing.

"Edward, we have to see the Penguins!"

"Ok there this way." Of everything they had done that day they were Bella's favorite. When they had excited the Penguin exhibit Edward Bought her a big soft stuffed penguin from a stand near by, for once she didn't complain.

On the drive home Bella fell asleep hugging the penguin, and when they got home He carried her to her bed hugging the penguin. It was then Edward realized his big mistake, he should never have bought her the penguin

"Great, replaced by a penguin." He said sadly.

A/n. Ok, who doesn't love penguins, especially with all the penguin movies that have come out. So in honor of all the penguin movies that have come out you get this!


	7. The Strange Tale of Jasper

Disclaimer; I don't own twilight.

The Strange Tale of Jasper

Edward, Alice, and Bella were all in Edwards room when out of nowhere Jasper popped in.

_POP!_

"Hey Jasper where have you been?" Asked Alice

"How did you just appear like that?" Bella asked

Edward just growled,

"He's Been doing that for a week now but he won't tell me how. I'm learning to accept the strange things he sometimes does." Alice said matter-of-factly

"Jasper, is it a new talent?" Bella asked him.

"Something like that." he replied smiling evilly.

"You better stop it, that can't be good for you or them and besides what if you are caught?" It was the first time Edward had spoken.

"What does he mean?" Alice and Bella at the same time.

"Don't tell them Please!" Jasper pleaded.

"Alright but only if you stop."

THE NEXT DAY

Edward, Alice, and Bella were all in Edwards room when out of nowhere Jasper popped in.

_POP!_

"that's it Jasper!" Edward said " I'm telling them."

"NOOOOOOOOOO." Jasper scream, "Alice will make me stop and I'll never have fun again."

"Too bad!"

"What is it!." Alice and Bella both asked.

"Well out story is a book that lots of people read, Jasper is popping out of the story while the reader sleeps and messes with there emotions so that they wake up and read it more."

"Wow you mean I'm famous!" Alice shouted,

"And every one knows about my terrible clumsiness!" Bella cried.

"Um I think you guys are missing the point, he's emotionally torturing people into reading our story." Edward said, but the girls weren't listening they were too worried about what people thought, Bella was now woried that Edward was the only person who didn't know her every thought of him. Jasper gave Edward an evil grin and popped out again but he was upset about what Edward said, he wasn't the kind of vampire to emotionally torture people. So he made the sleeping girl, who's book he had popped out of, so happy that she had a dream that Emmett dumped Rose for her. He grinned to himself, maybe he was evil, wait until Emmett read the fan fiction the girl was bound to write.

The meaning? All the dreams about your favorite Twilight/ new moon vampire you've had, have all been because of Jasper.

A/n Ok I hoped you liked it, sorry it took so long but I wanted to write one about Jasper, the next one is going to involve Rose and alice and the number 21. Please review!


	8. Emmets True Calling

Disclaimer; I don't own twilight.

**Emmett's True Calling**

Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were all at lunch. Since they had no need to eat none of them were doing anything In particular , just staring off into space. Edward was trying to tune out all thoughts when Alice had a vision, when it was over they both looked at Emmett and began to giggle.

"what?" Emmett said in reply to their giggles.

"you'll see." Edward said.

Girl's pov

Stupid bottle, I just can't get the top off.

"Mike, open." I handed him the bottle, but he couldn't get the top off. When he failed, all the boys at the table had to try claming that they were stronger than the other. None of them could get it open.

Finally, I took the thing back, got up, and headed for the Cullen table. Although I normally avoided them, this called for drastic measures.

Emmett's pov

I head someone coming but I didn't react until they tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up to see a girl looking at me very seriously. _oh no not in front of Rosalie_, was all I could think, but she wasn't here to ask me out. Instead she held up an unopened bottle. I glanced at Edward and Alice who both had their hand covering their mouths, so this is what they had seen.

I took the bottle and effortlessly opened it for her and handed it back. She simply walked back to her table.

"what's so funny?" I asked Edward, Alice was still smiling but Edward was almost laughing hysterically.

"you should hear the thoughts of every boy who tried to open that bottle, and now you're the personal bottle opener of every girl in the school."

The next day I was interrupted during my lunch time day dreaming, which isn't much different than my class time day dreaming or my Rosalie time day dreaming, by some one tapping me on the shoulder. It was the same girl from yesterday and line of what appeared to be every girl in the school.

All with unopened bottles.

A/n

This takes place before Bella comes to forks. Also, the girl may be appearing in future stories and isn't any one in particular, just a girl who goes to school there. I know I promised one about Rose and Alice but I never got around to it and then suddenly this one demanded to be written, I will try to write it next but I won't make any promises. Please review and thanks to all who have already.


	9. very impotant

**Hey every one!**

this isn't an update, I just want to ask every one to read the poem I wrote called Bella's Angel, and if I get enough reviews and you like it, I will try to write another one and update this story. I want to know what people think.


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